Um…we invaded Syria?

Thanks to Rachel Maddow for pointing out this little fun fact tonight on MSNBC.

What happened to countries having borders? Does that just…not apply to Team America, World Police?

From where I see it, this is happening for one of two reasons.

1. Desperate ploy for votes. We all know how much the GOP loves to court your inner fear and “inherent” racism (they’re almost banking on the idea that this is true). In an effort to get more people to vote Republican, Bush and his bonehead buddies are screwing shit up in the Middle East so badly that we’re scared into voting for McCain…instead of trying to convince us that conservative policies will work in this time of crisis in our country. Totally the best idea they have, unfortunately. That whole “policies” thing hasn’t been going so well. (Give us ONE, John. ONE thing you’d do differently from Dubya!) Hm…still don’t think I’d vote for a guy who crashed seven planes and had a problem with authority.
2. Bush is a poor sport. Think back to when you were a kid. Weren’t there times when you were losing at “Candy Land” or you were in debt up to your ears to your brother in “Monopoly” that you just wanted to flip the damn board over? Well, I think Bush feels the same way about the Middle East. This whole “invading Syria and taking hostages” thing is his way of saying “I don’t wanna play anymore. YOU clean it up!” But even little kids have sense enough of the world of win-and-lose to know that just because you make a mess doesn’t mean you won.

(Eight-year) Long story short: Bush is a massive, massive tool who has yet again put our country in serious danger. But scaring the crap out of us isn’t going to work this time, guys. “A” for effort, though.

The beautiful, beautiful carnage.

I’m not even going to dignify that Ashley Todd bullshit with a response; I’ll leave that to John McCain, if he has any decency left in him after these past few days on the campaign trail trainwreck.

In other news: the Republicans’ carefully-constructed, highly-funded think tanks have unraveled and are making my evening television hour a whole lot more fun.

One thing Republicans have always been good at is uniting behind a candidate. Streamlining their message and making sure everyone is nodding along to the same tune. Now, they can’t even hold it together for 8 days?

It’s just…beautiful. All of this discord from a party that all have the same ideals: stay away from my money. And we, the Democrats– the mongrels of politics, the mixed-bag of minority constituencies, the land of misfits–are united in one resounding chorus of “yes, we can.”

Everything we thought we knew about politics in America has shifted. Democrats outspending Republicans. Republicans arguing amongst themselves. Democrats leading in states like Virginia. Republicans trying to pander to the middle and lower classes!

Our country has been turned upside down, and it’s never looked better.

For justice for all

So I’m stepping out of my normal pattern to write to you, because I feel it must be done. I’m not going to write to you, in hopes to sway you one way or the other. My blogs of information pointing out positive or negative attributes to either major party of the election will go on hold for the next few days, because it’s time for us to band together.

Regardless of your opinions or feelings either way in this 2008 presidential election, I hope that you’ll step back and listen, as this goes out to all.

I have a sad feeling that this election will be decided not by those swing voters alone, but by those voting within their party lines because that’s what they know. I’ve traveled over a thousand miles in the past week, from Pennsylvania to New Hampshire and back, and I am saddened to see the same patterns as before.

My point is this - voting within your party lines because that’s what you know and are comfortable with will in no way help resolve any problems we have had in the past, currently face, and will see in the future. Basing your voting on whatever party you are from will not help decide the best candidate for the presidency.

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Would you like some facts with that?

Well, now that the latest issue of Lucy is live, I can go back to blogging, right?  The extent of my political outbursts has been confined to yelling at my television and arguing with people on the message board for my local newspaper.  Apparently, Barack Obama is the next Fidel Castro.  I’m not even kidding.

What would the letters to the editor be titled if Hillary Clinton had won in the primaries?  Delightful plays on the candidate’s last name would not be possible; Hillary would not be an “Obamanation.”  Granted, if it was Clinton up against John McCain, we’d be talking about how PMS might lead to nuking our allies or how bitches can’t be trusted (none of which comes up when we talk about that lovely little Sarah Palin character, who has now apparently gone rogue against her handlers).  When did this race turn into one bad email forward?  A look at my small town newspaper probably reflects plenty of those “Real American” newspapers.  “Real Americans” don’t need facts; they apparently answer to a larger truth (where dinosaurs walk with man?) and John McCain, according to Jon Stewart, will be President of these areas (see the Nancy Pfotenhauer link below).

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Dear Undecided Voter, (aka my final plea to the insane)

Before I begin, let me set up the assumption I’ve made about you. Stop me if I’m wrong.

Due to the fact that you’re undecided, I’ve deduced that you probably don’t make more than $250,000 a year. I can safely assume this because if you were making that much money, you would be:

A. …a registered Republican, trying to protect all of your money from the grubby hands of the lower-class (like Joe the Unlicensed Plumber, who had already donated to McCain’s campaign before that little chat with Obama), or

B. …a Democratic politician of some sort.

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Witchhunts. They’re trying to make a comeback!

I remember the election of 1994, when for the first time in 42 years, Republicans finally re-gained control of both houses of the US Congress. It was not since the election of 1952 that Americans gave them the majority and with it free reign to do their evil worst.

Almost 14 years ago I fretted and feared a swift return to the era of McCarthyism, HUAC, red-baiting and blacklisting Commie witch hunts that had long been the hallmarks of that party. They had been out of power for so long I was sure they were itching to get back in there and pick up where they left off.

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A message to Imaginary America.

Okay, so everyone’s up in arms about this whole “Real America” thing, as they rightly should be. It’s awful that they’re calling racists who pretty much want this country run by a Christian theocracy the “real” Americans. I guess that makes the rest of us imaginary.

I know exactly what the Republican party is doing: inciting nationalism against members of their own nation, claiming those who disagree with their radical policies are anti-country, pointing fingers so no one looks at what they’re really saying. Reeeeal creative, John. We haven’t seen this move from any country, ever. Especially not Germany, or anything.

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So You Want To Steal An Election…

During last week’s final debate, in between the massive amounts of blinking and awkward facial ticks, John McCain accused the community organizing group ACORN of being “on the verge of maybe perpetrating one of the greatest frauds in voter history in this country, maybe destroying the fabric of democracy.” This is a pretty serious charge leveled by a man whose own party orchestrated the disenfranchisement  of tens of thousands (mostly minority) voters in Florida during the 2000 election through illegal “felon purging”. So how is ACORN stealing our democracy? Purging voter rolls? Using poll watchers to intimidate voters? Not even close.

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Not so funny anymore.

So, the Alfred E. Smith benefit dinner cut into my sacred hour of Rachel Maddow the other night. Initially, I was pretty upset. Then, I found myself trying my hardest NOT to laugh at McCain (who TOTALLY killed, I must say, to my chagrin). By the time Obama came up, I was truly enjoying myself, laughing away like it was a Friar’s Roast or something.

Then, Saturday rolls around, and there’s Governor Palin (aka Caribou Barbie), hammin’ it up on SNL. In my opinion…not that funny. But that’s beside the point.

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McCain in the lead among goldfish.

Hey, Sarah! Tell John to stop using your child as part of his gigantic lie that makes him sound like a Democrat.

John, the kid has Down Syndrome; how the hell does this make Sarah Palin the expert on autism? Anyone? Anyone?

Look it up, buddy. Not all special needs people are the same.

And how dare you lie to parents around the country that need government money to support their children with disabilities of all kinds? Your plan wants to FREEZE ALL SPENDING, including to people with special needs. You say Obama is “eloquent” and you “really need to listen” to what he says to hear the tricks he’s trying to pull. But all we need to see your tricks is a short-term memory of more than five seconds.

Thank God we’re not goldfish, then, or you’d be winning.