‘Tis the Season of Procrastinating…

Posted by Sara in Editors.

My entire life, I’ve gotten shit for being a procrastinator, for being a couple steps behind the game, a few minutes behind the clock, the whole “day late, dollar short” bit. I’ve been reminded that “the early bird gets the worm,” that “if I want to get ahead in life,” I have to be willing to show up early (or on time) to show initiative. For my entire life I’ve thought these people, the ones who bestow this advice or who angrily tap their condescending little finger to their glass face of their wristwatch, to be assholes. And during the Christmas season, I am proven totally, 100% correct.

Forget the birth of baby Jesus, the festival of lights, the concepts of love, kindness, and goodwill for all man–this is the season of rushed consumers, strapped bank accounts, and people who know they should probably get their shit taken care of before Christmas Eve, but won’t. I heard on one of those yappy early morning talk shows that 85% of Americans don’t have their shopping even half done. Some hadn’t even started at all. To those watch tappers, this is probably infuriating, and they will use this statistic to justify how lazy we are as a whole and why we’re doing down hill as a nation. To me, this is not only a sign of solidarity, but also of practicality.

Here’s a secret to all you anal-retentive elves out there: shit is WAAY cheaper when you procrastinate to buy it!!!

The perfect example: my husband and I went shopping last week to Bed, Bath, & Beyond because we knew of a few gifts there on my family’s wishlist. We had some coupons, and just had gotten another one in the mail, so we figured it was a good time to go. I felt like we were hitting a lot of good sales and saved a decent amount of money.

Then, this morning (why-am-I-awake-at-4 a.m., WHY?!), I open my gmail, only to discover a NEW coupon to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, tell me that if I spend $100 in store (which we JUST did last week), I will automatically get $25 off with this new, elusive coupon. What?! SERIOUSLY? You mean, had I exhibited even more HORRIBLE procrastinating behavior and waited absolutely until THE very last minute, I would have been reward with deeper discounts? I laughed while reading this, and shook my head. It looks like our day has finally come, I thought to myself.

I get that the retailers are trying to make money however they can and they need to pull out all the stops, especially in the crapfest that is the current economy, but it amazes me, and brings me sick, disgustingly giddy satisfaction, that for once, the early bird does NOT get the worm. Instead, the bird who checked the clock, figured she had at least another solid 15 minutes, and proceeded to YouTube random clips from zany Japanese game shows until they realized that now they were going to be 15 minutes late, comes out on top as Supreme Winner of All Things Retail.

So, in the true spirit of procrastination, I’m writing this blog to wish all of our beloved friends, family, writers, and readers a very Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,  Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Giftmas, and all the rest, about 5 days after we’ve launched our official holiday mini-issue, although it is coming just in time to catch you before the holiday bliss officially begins. I look forward to what 2009 has to offer, and I hope you all stick around so we can experience it together. As always, thanks for the continued love and support that you’ve shown, and please, if you’ve been procrastinating, maybe now is the time to finally tell all your friends about us. Or maybe tomorrow…

Editors |