Issue #12, 14 – 20 September 2008

Posted by AJ in TV Rewind.

This week: The Closer gives me approximately 5,000 heart attacks; The Hills girls remain vapid and hilarious; Making the Band 4 leaves New York (finally); and Fringe gives birth to a 75-year-old man.  Details after the jump.

Show: The Closer
Episode: “Time Bomb” (4×10)
You Can Watch It: Next summer because this was the summer finale.

Um, this was the most disturbing piece of television I have watched in a long time. The episode centered on three kids determined to make the little known original Columbine plan work, but not at a school. The kids chose the city mall in order to kill the most people possible. The newly dubbed Major Crimes Squad got involved when the body of one of the boys was found in an apartment. In an ending shoot out scene worthy of anything 24 has ever produced, the team takes a lone shooter down by shooting his own pipe bomb in his hand. However, Detective Julio Sanchez was shot in the back three times while attempting to provide cover for Lieutenant Provenza. The episode ended with the team loading Sanchez in a helicopter bound for the emergency room. Deputy Chief Johnson begged him to keep breathing as he bled in her arms. The entire time this scene played out, I begged TNT to not let this be the last scene of the season. And then the credits rolled.

Conclusions:
I will now have heartburn and horrible nightmares about the condition of Detective Sanchez until the show returns. Thanks a lot, TNT.

Show: The Hills
Episode: “You Always Miss a Best Friend” (4×06)
You Can Watch It: Mondays at 10pm on MTV

Justin Bobby was more Justin than Bobby this week when he didn’t show up to a free private showcase for some up and coming new emo band. Audrina was super depressed, but not super surprised. Lauren began the process of ripping another sibling pair apart when she agreed to meet Heidi’s sister, Holly, at a café. Or did she?! By the end of the episode, the cameras happened to catch both Lauren and Heidi admitting that they each miss their former friend/current enemy. Oh, and Stephanie appeared to be more Spencer-like and creepier than ever at fashion school. Additionally, Lauren looked like a farm girl this whole episode. That means she’s ready to rebuild those burnt bridges and reconnect with Heidi (a re-BFFing, if you will). Heidi is poised to take over Lo’s spot in the house and perhaps we will be rid of Spencer once and for all.

Conclusions:
I sleep to dream. Don’t tell Fiona.

Show: Making the Band 4
Episode: “Hit the Road” (3×05)
You Can Watch It: Tuesdays at 9pm on MTV

The groups and Donnie (poor Donnie, all alone) hit the road…hence the episode title (very original). They left NYC for Baltimore where everyone ate din din with Dawn’s parental units and then moseyed on over to Chicago—Willie’s hometown. Willie ripped his shirt off as per usual, but the Chicago girls are a little more serious about their sweaty ripped tank tops than your average Day26 crowd. Approximately 6 girls got into a huge catfight in the midst of the boys’ performance. No security, seriously? Also, Que told Dawn he wants to get married and make babies with her. Dawn blushed.

Conclusions:
Que gonna get his heartbroken. Willie should hire a bodyguard perhaps?

Show: Fringe
Episode: “The Same Old Story” (1×02)
You Can Watch It: Tuesdays at 9pm on Fox

A stripper has a baby, then dies, and then after four hours the baby dies except he is completely aged. Olivia connects the case to one of the first serial murders she ever investigated—a killer who was still at large. Turns out the killer was actually a test tube baby and the byproduct of experiments designed to enable the government to literally grow soldiers to make armies. He needed to consume pituitary glands in order to stop the accelerated aging process. Too bad the team stops him in his tracks before he gets another victim. He ages and dies right in front of Olivia, but the man he called his father who assisted in his murders fled the scene. Also, Walter gets weirder, but Peter seems to be growing more fond of him despite his senility. And Broyles is tall.

Conclusions:
If you have no idea what show this is or what I am talking about, then you need to go buy some cool somewhere.

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