Issue #11, 17 - 23 August 2008

Posted by AJ in TV Rewind.

Show: The Hills
Episode: “We’ll Never Be Friends” (4×01)
You Can Watch It: Mondays at 10pm on MTV

During the fourth season premiere of MTV’s not-so-real reality series The Hills (YES! It’s back!), we learned a lot. First, we learned that Lauren still has the worst dating skills in the history of pretty young blondes when she ditched her hunky former prom date Whatshisface to play mediator to Lo and Audrina at the pool birthday party the blondes threw for their brunette roomie. Hello! You admitted that you haven’t had a relationship last longer than one date since Heidi and Spencer set you up with someone. That should be a clue. Maybe she’ll make more of an effort to give the cameras some romantic drama to document instead of just cat fights. Then we learned that Lo is not just a bitch, she’s psychotic. In what is perhaps the greatest scene in all of reality show history, and my personal favorite moment ever from The Hills, Lo enters Audrina’s cottage pool house sort of dwelling and confronts her about the fact that they are not friends (even though it is clear that’s Lo’s own fault…because of her being in love with Lauren and thus jealous of all her other female relationships). She switches from jovial palaver to torture-interrogation tactics in 0.003 seconds flat. This is after Lo purposefully made herself scarce in a direct affront to Audrina during her pool party. At the end of the episode, Lo launches her full on assault of accusations against Audrina for spreading horrible lies (to whom?) about Lo trying to rip the Audrina-Lauren friendship apart. But, through all of this, we also learned that Audrina has some balls. Or at least that the writers gave her some. When Lo complains that Audrina doesn’t make an effort to be friends with her, Audrina says, “Because I don’t care. We’ll never be friends.” It was awesome. I was hoping Lo would be crying during the shot of her walking back to the main house, but I forgot she doesn’t have feelings. It was an intense episode to say the least. It got even more intense when Heidi’s not-so-attractive sister showed up for a weekend and Spencer remained his emotionally abusive, crude, disgusting self! It made us all wonder, “Why are you back together again?” Oh, right, attention. Their little subplot ended with the sister getting a makeover (meaning extensions), and then going back home to Colorado with the promise of eventually moving out to Hollywood permanently. You know, for “a change.” Also known as MORE SECONDARY CHARACTERS!!! And, finally, we also learned that Whitney is still the only sane person on this show.

Conclusions:
Audrina doesn’t care about your vibes, tension, OR energy, Lo.

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