Issue #13, 21 – 27 September 2008

Posted by AJ in Entertainment and Pop Culture TV Rewind.

This week: John Connor acts a fool on The Sarah Connor Chronicles, the Heroes’ cheerleader gets her brain licked, Audrina and Lo refrain from killing each other on this week’s episode of The Hills, and the Lipstick Jungle ladies prove funerals can be funny.

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Show: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Episode: “Mousetrap” (2×03)

You Can Watch It: Mondays at 8pm on Fox

 

The writers took their title quite literally this week. The episode began by picking up with Charlie and Michelle’s exodus from Los Angeles. Too bad Comartie kidnapped Michelle and stole Charlie’s car. Desperate, Charlie called John (who had foolishly given out his cell number) and was able to convince Sarah that he needed her help. But it was all a rouse to lure Sarah and Derek away from John so that he would be vulnerable. After dawdling over Michelle, who had been taken to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere and strapped into a chair that was seemingly ripped to a bomb that would be explode if the mousetraps under her chair legs were set off, Sarah and Derek realized they were, well, screwed. They had allowed ample time for Comartie to blow up their vehicle and leave them stranded. Luckily, Terminators can’t swim and John was able to escape Comartie by jumping off the pier that nearly became his death bed.

 

Conclusions:

John might be all manly and ready to boink the weird girl from school, but he is still an idiot who takes too many risks. Rule number one of surviving: NEVER DITCH CAMERON.

 

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Show: Heroes

Episode: “The Second Coming” (3×01) and “The Butterfly Effect” (3×02)

You Can Watch It: Mondays at 9pm on NBC

 

Four years from now, Claire the Cheerleader will become evil and attempt to kill her brother, Peter Petrelli, who now has a diagonal scar cut across his face. Thus we call him Scarface Peter. Luckily, Peter absorbed Hiro’s time traveling powers back in season one, so at the beginning of the season three premiere he time travels away from Claire to assassinate his brother, Nathan, before he can tell the whole world about their special abilities and make the future four years from now so bleak. So, now we are all back to present day, which is also where season two left off last year. Scarface Peter apparently was the shooter. He morphs into Scarless-face Peter. Parkman becomes suspicious when he sees who he thinks is Scarless-face aka Regular Peter exiting a place where he finds the weapon used to shoot Nathan. Scarface Peter sends him to Africa. He also sends Scarless-face Peter to reside in another man’s body. Nathan gets pronounced dead and then comes back with a religious awakening. Nikki/Jessica might have a new personality that doesn’t know she’s a personality named Tracy Strauss. Claire gets her skull ripped off and part of her brain sucked out by Sylar. He can’t kill her, but he can’t be killed now either. Before he leaves, he makes sure to put her scalp back on her head. Elle’s father is killed and she lets the whole place go to hell. Mohinder injects himself with some of Maya’s adrenaline juices and becomes a crazed, muscley sex machine. But then his skin starts falling apart. Scarless-face Peter who is trapped in someone else’s body finds himself in a Con Air sort of situation when he has to play escaped con with some evildoers in order to stay alive. Also, Sylar is captured and Mrs. Petrelli reveals to him she is his real mother.

 

Conclusions:

That’s nice for Sylar. He doesn’t have to live with the guilt that he killed his own mother anymore.

 

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Show: The Hills

Episode: “When Lauren’s Away” (4×06)

You Can Watch It: Mondays at 10pm on MTV

 

Lauren headed off on a fashion-job-related trip to Italy, leaving roommates Audrina and Lo behind to fend for themselves. The two actually played nice with each other. We saw them eat together multiple times and Lo even kept her passive-aggressive bitchiness quiet until Lauren got home! Audrina spent 90% of the episode telling everyone she saw about Stephanie asking whether or not it would be okay if she dated Doug, and the other 10% partying it up with Heidi behind Lauren’s back. Spencer decided that The Dark Knight should have been called Joker, and Heidi threw parties and invited frenemies as per usual. Lauren came back to hear all of the gossip and Brody rubbed the fact that Stephanie is a traitorous bitch in her face while they noshed somewhere swanky and dimly lit.

 

Conclusions:

Rumors are running rampant that in real life Audrina has moved out of the house and she has also landed a slew of acting jobs. Maybe she just now realized her only role on the show is to say, “Did you hear about Stephanie?!”

 

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Show: Lipstick Jungle

Episode: “Chapter Eight: Pandora’s Box” (2×01)

You Can Watch It: Wednesdays at 10pm on NBC

 

The second season kicked off with a bang! Shane’s restaurant has take off, so now that he has a job he is no longer whining incessantly at Wendy so now she can instead focus on her meddling mother (Mary Tyler Moore!) who has recently taken up residence in her guest room. Nico divulged her affair with Kirby to Charles after Charles brought home a scandalous photo of Nico (taken by Kirby…duh) he bought “unknowingly” at a gallery. Charles promptly acted like a pompous asshole and Nico got a wrinkle from worrying her marriage was going to end. But it’s okay because he had been cheating on Nico for 3 years with his annoying student Megan who was apparently at least 6 months pregnant. And it’s even more okay because Charles died after another heart surgery and now Nico gets to pick up the pieces of her life and hopefully that includes getting back together with Kirby. Victory had a little vindication this episode, as well. She confronted Joe and told him straight up that he ain’t gonna control her no more! She sauntered away from him sassily and flagged down a cab. Speaking of cabs, Nico almost had an orgasm in one thanks to her foolish G-spot collagen injections. Oi!

 

Conclusions:

Don’t let the procedure go to waste, Nico. Go to Kirby’s apartment.

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