Issue #16, 12 – 18 October 2008

Posted by AJ in Entertainment and Pop Culture TV Rewind.

This week: the Rock of Love girls prove why they needed a season of Charm School; Claire wears impractical shoes to fight villains on Heroes; Raising the Bar makes me cry AH-GAIN; Aubrey gets her female empowerment on during the Making the Band 4 finale; and Corrie proves that racism never looks hot on Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.

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Show: Rock of Love: Charm School
Episode: “One Bad Apple” (2×01)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 9pm on VH1

The girls arrived in style to the Charm School house where they met their headmistress and deans—Sharon Osborn, Danielle Clark, and Riki Rachtman (respectively). Everyone was sent to unpack their bags and get acquainted with their assigned roommates. The producers, obviously purposefully and with a cruel sense of humor, roomed enemies with enemies including Dallas and Lacey sharing bunk beds. The booze started flowing almost immediately. Courtney got completely hammered and Sharon had her go sleep it off so she could make it to eliminations, which she did so that was an improvement over last time. Lacey instigated a physical altercation with Dallas as per usual and in the midst of the fisticuffs, Dallas threw an apple that hit Lacey in her ear. Brandi C. pointed out the fact that if it had hit her in her brain, Lacey could have died! Sharon made everyone wear stupid uniforms and watch DVDs of their most embarrassing Rock of Love moments before making them shred the disc and accept their Charm School pin. Raven peaced herself out because with her goals of wanting to be a New Age talk show host she was just too good for Charm School. But Sharon still eliminated Courtney and sent her to rehab.

Conclusions:
How do the alcoholics get past the screening to be cast on the show in the first place?

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Show: Heroes
Episode: “Angels and Monsters” (3×05)
You Can Watch It: Mondays at 9pm on NBC

The villains are still running amuck and Noah and Sylar are on a mission to bring them all back to Level 5. But so is Claire. And she hunts in stilettos! After lying about a cheerleader lock-in, Claire went on the hunt for her first villain only to discover he wasn’t a villain at all. She accidentally led her father and Sylar to him and he killed himself so he wouldn’t have to kill Sylar for Noah to let him go. Hiro and Ando attempted to enlist Adam Monroe to help them get the formula back, but his evaded them after intentionally starting a bar brawl. The Linderman that exists only in the imagination assigned Daphne to recruit Parkman for some evil plan that is apparently being orchestrated by the Petrelli brothers’ father. Mrs. Petrelli put Peter in a coma after he tried to eat her brains, and Nathan discovered his parents scientifically engineered his powers. Also, a murderous Mohinder spiderwebbed Maya up on his wall and is probably sucking her life-force as we speak.

Conclusions:
Claire should invest in some more practical evil-fighting footwear.

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Show: Raising the Bar
Episode: “A Leg to Stand On” (1×07)
You Can Watch It: Mondays at 10pm on TNT

This week on Raising the Bar, Judge Trudy Kessler was back to her old tricks of sabotaging anything and everything Jerry does. The police used a 15-year-old mug shot to indict Jerry’s client on attempted robbery charges, and no one but Jerry seems to care that his client was at home eating dinner with his family at the time of the crime. When presenting motions in pretrial court, Jerry got “the wink” from the judge presiding over the case and decided to roll the dice and go for a bench trial. But, seeing as how the victim in the case was some rich guy’s son, politics flared up and the rich guy used his connections to get Judge Kessler to essentially threaten Jerry’s judge to convict Jerry’s client. Luckily, the judge valued his integrity more than another appointment, so he overturned his own guilty verdict and let Jerry’s INNOCENT client go. In subplot news, Bobbi and Michelle faced off in court again this time regarding a case of a veteran who bought heroin in bulk to cope with his phantom limb pain. Richie Rich was wooed by his burlesque dancer/second year law student client, and Falco was more of a pig than ever. And I mean ever.

Conclusions:
You chicks are lawyers! Why don’t you file a freakin’ sexual harassment suit?!

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Show: Making the Band 4
Episode: “Live Finale” (3×09)
You Can Watch It: When it returns in January 2009 on MTV

It’s official—Aubrey and D. Woods are out of Danity Kane. Diddy made his final decision during the continuation of the heated argument that began towards the end of the prior episode. Diddy threatened all of them individually (except for Dawn because she is his obvious favorite), and yelled at Shannon (who never says ANYTHING) when she tried to reason with him about kicking members out of DK. Then MTV host Sway held a live Q&A in their New York City studio with Donnie and Day26 asking them probing questions about what they thought about Diddy’s decision. The remaining three members of Danity Kane came out later and discussed absolutely nothing but that fact that they are still in shock. Aundrea looked like she wanted to cry or hang herself the entire time, and Dawn was overly optimistic (almost celebratory…). Aubrey came out and gave a really long speech about how she loves who she is and won’t change for anybody and Diddy, who was on the show via satellite, interrupted her as much as possible and blamed it on the fact that his earpiece was echoing.

Conclusions:
D. Woods didn’t have time for this shiz!

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Show: Paris Hilton’s My New BFF
Episode: “Sayonara” (1×04)
You Can Watch It: Tuesdays at 10pm on MTV

This week on PHMNBFF, the challenge was all about looking good under any circumstances so the contestants were asked to vogue it up on rollercoasters at Knottsberry Farm amusement park. Lauren put everyone else to shame and Onch almost fake hyperventilated himself into a nervous breakdown. Paris then took four lucky potential BFFs—Brittany, Natasha, Bryan, and Sinsu—to Japan with her to attend the MTV Music Video Awards. Brittany got to go on stage with Paris, while the others hung back and got sloshed to deal with their jealousy. In a kimono elimination, Sinsu and Bryan were sent packing and we actually got to see the part of Brittany’s face that’s always hidden behind her emo bangs for once. Back at the house, the rest of the besties kept themselves busy hating on each other and doing mani/pedis. After Corrie made an inappropriate comment regarding the correlation between Onch’s ethnicity and his knack for giving manicures, the house turned into a war zone and it was all of the besties ganging up on poor racist Corrie who could only keep repeating, “What? Asians do nails!” in her defense. Paris summed it up pretty well when she said, “Corrie, you’re lucky you didn’t go to Japan.”

Conclusions:
Paris, I don’t know. I think if Corrie had gone to Japan, this episode would have been far more inappropriate and garnered you much higher ratings, which would perhaps get people to stop talking about how The Simple Life had 3 million viewers and now you average only a third of that.

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