Issue #21, 16 – 22 November 2008

Posted by AJ in Entertainment and Pop Culture TV Rewind.

This week: I suffer through the weekend without my DVR (house-sitting, bummer); it becomes more than the regular level of apparent that Lacey has a mental illness on Rock of Love: Charm School; Gossip Girl gives everyone warm fuzzy feelings for Thanksgiving; some chick gets murdered by a tiger on Law & Order: SVU; a dead body helps Booth move up to first class on Bones; and Sons of Anarchy is more fucked up than ever.

***

Show: Rock of Love: Charm School
Episode: “T and A PSA” (2×06)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 9pm on VH1

Sharon held a fancy poolside wine and liquor tasting for the girls, who were more than ready to enjoy themselves. Lacey stuffed her face with smoked salmon whilst discussing her reasons for being a fervent supporter of animal-rights and a dedicated vegetarian. She got pissy and conniving when Dallas called her out on her hypocrisy. Kristy Joe and Jessica made vacant surprised faces. A police officer showed up and gave all the girls breathalyzers, the results of which were used to determine the partners for the day’s challenge. The girls with the lowest blood-alcohol levels were paired (Kristy Joe and, surprisingly, Heather), the girls with the second-lowest, and so on and so forth until it all came down to Dallas and Lacey being partnered since they had the two highest BACs. The girls were then tasked with filming public service announcements about the dangers of alcohol. Kristy Joe and Heather made an awesome TMZ-themed PSA; Destiney and Jessica did something crazy about a woman in a hospital suffering heart failure; the two Brandis (yeah, they were partners, it was insane) essentially made a not-so-softcore porn; and Dallas and Lacey fought during all by the last five minutes of their allotted time and thus essentially had nothing to show but Dallas reading statistics off a piece of paper. Heather and Kristy Joe won, and obviously Dallas and Lacey were the bottom two. During eliminations—DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WAS MAKING HER CRAZY EYES THE ENTIRE TIME—Lacey convinced Sharon with her evil superpowers to send Dallas home and let her stay. And, yes, Brandi C. had mascara all over her face again and had to be sent out of the room as per usual.

Conclusions:
I think VH1 purposefully casts people who fail the (hopefully existent) psych exam during their casting calls.

***

Show: Gossip Girl
Episode: “That Magnificent Archibalds” (2×11)
You Can Watch It: Mondays at 8pm on the CW

Gossip Girl celebrated Thanksgiving this week, and there were actually happy endings for all—well, with the exception of Vanessa, but we’ll get back to that. Rufus tracked down Jenny, who had been crashing on the Van der Woodsen couch while Bart and Lily were away. Jenny tore up the emancipation papers and returned home by the show’s end, but not before having a puffy-eyed heart-to-heart with Blair on the street. Eleanor surprised Blair by flying in her father so that she could break news of her engagement to the entire family at once. Chuck ratted out dear old dad to the Van der Woodsen side of the family and showed them all dossiers he had been keeping on them with the help of a private detective. Eric learned that his mother had been institutionalized when she was around his age, but we still don’t know why. Bart placed a call to his PI out of anger to dig up more dirt on Lily. Serena finally got Aaron to agree to be exclusive, but he still needs a haircut—bad. The Captain came back to town in an attempt to hold his wife and son for ransom, but Nate talked him into doing the right thing and the Feds took him into custody. The episode ended with Lily, Eric, and Vanessa all joining the Humphreys for Thanksgiving dinner where Vanessa committed a felony. She stole the letter Nate mailed to Jenny (that Jenny hasn’t seen or read) out of jealously, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to all blow up in her face. Also, Chuck and Nate rekindled their bromance.

Conclusions:
I hate Aaron and even if he got a haircut, I would still want him out of the picture.

***

Show: Law & Order: SVU
Episode: “Wildlife” (10×07)
You Can Watch It: Tuesdays at 10pm on NBC

The episode opened with Stabler lying on a street and being transported to a hospital after being shot several times. Rewind to a week earlier. A young girl working in the exotic animal smuggling business was found dead after being mauled by a tiger. The investigation led to an up and coming rapper who then led them to a psychotic animal smuggler. Stabler went undercover unexpectedly (which really pissed off Cragen by the way) as a Customs officer to infiltrate the smuggling ring. Kathy, at home with their fairly unattractive newborn, flipped out when Elliot wouldn’t return her calls and threatened to leave him despite the fact that Olivia was the only one there to hear her. Olivia went to Elliot’s fake house (for the undercover operation) and the psycho smuggler and his henchman showed up. Olivia pretended to be a hick prostitute so she wouldn’t get killed. The psycho smuggler must have made Elliot or wanted to get rid of him, so he drove him to a deserted street under the pretense of meeting a buyer and shot him. Luckily, he survived and was able to get out of bed in time to assist the rest of the SVU squad taking down the bad guys. Turns out the henchman was actually and undercover agent himself and by arresting him, Olivia and Elliot helped him make big strides with his case.

Conclusions:
I think production of this episode must have cost them a third of their overall season budget. Lions, tigers, and gibbons—oh my! Also, the shot of Cragen opening the basketball with the monkey inside was cuter than an hour of watching the Puppy Cam (sorry, puppies).

***

Show: Bones
Episode: “The Passenger in the Oven” (4×10)
You Can Watch It: Wednesdays at 8pm on Fox

This episode would have been all about Bones getting back to her roots doing what she really loves—digging up ancient remains!—had she and Booth not found a dead body in the microwave oven on their plane during their flight to China. With the help of some mystery buff ladies from coach, Booth was able to secure Bones all of the various MacGyver-esque instruments she could think of to carry on an investigation five-mile-high style. The rest of the team was called up and able to assist via video-conference back at the Jeffersonian. Booth was pressed to solve the murder and arrest a suspect before the plane could touch down on Chinese soil, so everyone worked in overtime. Turns out, the victim was the mistress of a passenger on board the flight taking his sick wife to stand on the Great Wall of China before she dies. Their son confronted the mistress in the kitchen and things went awry (obviously). Booth put all of the clues together just seconds before the landing gear hit the tarmac and everyone cheered! Unfortunately, Booth and Bones were required to stay on the plane and escort the boy back to the States. They shared a celebratory glass of champagne and the sexual tension made elephant sounds in the background.

Conclusions:

I lay awake at night wondering, “When are they gonna makeout without being ordered to do so by a lawyer?”

***

Show: Sons of Anarchy
Episode: “The Sleep of Babies” (1×12)
You Can Watch It: Wednesdays at 10pm on FX

This week’s episode of Sons of Anarchy involved executing the most fucked up plot that the writers could have ever come up with in a hundred million years. ATF was ordered to leave Charming, and with them went Stahl’s protective detail on Opie. Clay came up with some schemes to simultaneously take out some of the club’s enemies and raise money for Bobby’s defense. This involved pitting various rival gangs against each other, during which Tigg was supposed to shoot Opie in the back of the head and make it look like he got caught in the middle of some gunfire, but he couldn’t pull the trigger. The Tellers threw a homecoming party for Abel and Tara attempted to dig her claws into Jax to let Wendy know she should back off. That totally back fired on her and she stormed out of the party. Clay ordered Tigg to follow Opie home and make it look like a follow up hit from the events earlier in the day. Donna and Opie switched cars at the last minute and Tigg shot Donna in the back of the head thinking it was Opie. Clay found out from Unser that Opie was framed by ATF, but he was too late to call of the hit. Everyone showed up at the scene and Opie broke down in the middle of the street clutching his dead wife’s body. A sullen Jax returned home with a renewed interest in keeping his family together and boned Wendy.

Conclusions:
I can’t think of a more fucked up plot twist that has ever happened ever. At least not right now when the wounds…the wounds are still new. Pour some out for Donna, y’all.

Entertainment and Pop Culture, TV Rewind |