Issue # 6, 13-19 July 2008

Posted by AJ in TV Rewind.

Show: Brooke Knows Best
Episode: “Movin’ In” (1×01)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 10pm on VH1

If anyone was going to press a young star into doing a reality show at the most inappropriate, awkward time possible, it would be VH1. Brooke Hogan, having just come off a hiatus from taping her life for the past four years as part of the VH1 series Hogan Knows Best that chronicled the lives of all her family members, now has a spin-off all about herself. Brooke Knows Best premiered this week, and while this seems to be the worst possible time for Brooke to be prancing around flaunting all of her now-legal goodies and promoting her sophomore album, the show must go on. While Brooke’s parents, Linda and Terry “Hulk” Hogan, suffer through a nasty divorce; and Brooke’s mother tries to find happiness in one of Brooke’s former classmates, age 19; and while Brooke’s younger brother, Nick, sits in the general population at juvenile detention for driving recklessly and causing a car accident that paralyzed his friend; Brooke moves into a swanky Miami penthouse with her gay best friend! Since the opening montage of the show includes clips of Brooke and Linda on the beach with Linda crying hysterically about the divorce, and since VH1 also made sure to include a phone conversation Brooke has with her mom about making sure father Hogan is gone from the penthouse before Linda arrives the next day, it seems that this whole “the show is about Brooke!” thing might be a thinly covered veil and excuse for VH1 to get the goods on the rest of the Hogans, including the scandal behind the divorce. Sure, we got to see Brooke and her friend shopping at Target for household items, and, sure, Hulk and Brooke had some touching father-daughter moments regarding Brooke’s newfound independence (including when he added two more deadbolts to her door and tried to give her a taser). But, really, this joint is about all the Hogan dirt VH1 can get their hands on. Pretty sneaky, sis!

Conclusions:
I’m going to watch it anyway. You know, to make sure my theory is right.

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Show: Living Lohan
Episode: “The Billionaire Babysitters” (1×07)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 10:30pm on E!

This week on Living Lohan, we viewers got to experience the true douchebaggery of Jeremy Greene. Dina, Ali, and Cody are still livin’ it up in Las Vegas, with Ali working hard on tracks for her album. Jeremy, the beloved singer/dancer/producer/douche from back home, flew out to lay down Ali’s second track with her. However, Ali quickly learned that Jeremy is the last person she should be working with. Aside from his ego being too big to fit into the recording studio at The Palms (he rolled up in there acting like he was Scott Storch!), there were other issues. While in the studio, Jeremy sent Ali into the booth to start recording. Then he left her in there for about ten to fifteen minutes while he showed all of the Maloof representatives his Myspace page and other music he has been working on—music for his own album. Yes, that is correct. Blatant abuse of his position as a family friend to get more camera time, more exposure for himself, and more famous before Mama Lohan finds out and kicks his douchey ass to the curb! Thankfully, Ali saw through his greasy façade before the end of the episode. Her disapproval and feelings of distress came through as a rejection of the track, not necessarily the producer, since there was some awkwardness over essentially firing a friend. But Jeremy’s reaction to the situation quickly removed any tensions around the issue. When he started bitching about Ali being too young to work with and other such crybaby statements about her age, I am pretty sure that any feelings that were making Ali upset about having to cut Jeremy out of her life faded immediately. At the end of the episode, Dina called the Maloof brothers and asking for Eman, the first producer Ali worked with (“Moving to Las Vegas!” 1×06), to come back and do more songs with Ali. In subplot news, Cody got to meet Hugh Hefner and his five girlfriends, who were staying at The Palms for the weekend. We also learned that Cody is a one girlfriend kind of guy. Even though he hasn’t reached puberty yet.

Conclusions:
I am depressed because I know that episode caused a spike in hits on Jeremy’s Myspace page. Damned Justin-Timberlake-wannabe.

Until next week, dear readers. Don’t forget to be kind and read your weekly TV Rewind!

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