Issue # 7, 20 – 26 July 2008

Posted by AJ in TV Rewind.

Show: Brooke Knows Best
Episode: “Best Roommate Ever” (1×02)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 10pm on VH1

This week on Brooke Knows Best, we learned that the show should have been called “Brooke Knows How to Make an Ass of Herself on National Television.” Glenn and Brooke were still hot on the trail looking for a third roommate. The pair, feeling desperate, decided to create hand-drawn posters and plaster all of the Miami hot spots they could think of with their ad for a roommate to which, of course, no “freaks” need apply. They went to all of the gyms and dance studios they could think of, and the amalgam of responders they received for their efforts proved to be not worth their time. We had the crazy Italian character who could barely understand what Glenn and Brooke were asking him (but don’t worry, buddy, neither could I); we had the long-lost Girls Gone Wild contestant who could not promise that her bedroom would not come with a revolving door; and we had the pasty goth chick who got serious when it came to politics, but not when it came to her wardrobe after she turned 25. Glenn, smartly enough, engaged the goth chick in a discussion about politics, asking her about her party affiliation. After a few minutes of polite and seemingly intelligent banter between the two, goth chick turned to Brooke and posed to her the same question, obviously trying to include her in the conversation. Brooke replied—wait for it—that she, “isn’t really into the voting thing.” At this point, I would like to say that the show ended because I unplugged my TV out of rage, but I couldn’t do that to you guys. Towards the end of the show, Brooke, with a sudden stroke of genius—and a move that confirms the word “script” is without a doubt associated with this project—called her longtime friend Ashley to see if she was available to be their third roommate. Guess what? She was! After the third Einstein moved in and unpacked her things, the trio hit the clubs! They danced, acted like cameras weren’t following them around and like one of them wasn’t famous, and got some phone numbers in completely desperate ways. Can’t wait to see how all of that turns out. In subplot news, Linda (Brooke’s mom) loves her new apartment, but is completely destroyed by the divorce proceedings and having a child in jail. We got to see her get hysterical on a beach and show some sense of awareness about the cameras when she asked Brooke to stop probing her about her feelings.

Conclusions:
Brooke must be getting paid a lot by VH1 to exploit her own family situation, but I don’t think VH1 could make the stuff about her being completely devoid of any social awareness or common sense up.

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Show: In Plain Sight
Episode: “Don of the Dead” (1×08)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 10pm on USA

Things got a little religious and a little weird this week on In Plain Sight. Mary’s witnesses, Don and Ruth, hate each other. Problem is they’re married. Oh, oops, that’s not the real problem. The real problem is that they’re Catholics. Devout Catholics. So, divorce is completely out of the question, no matter how miserable they are when they’re together. Don and Ruth entered WITSEC after seeing their priest be gunned down in his own office. At the start of the show, they were running a homeless shelter in Albuquerque—still miserable together, but they seemed to be enjoying their lives somewhat. But then Don dies in a car crash. Sort of. His car crashed and was burnt to a crisp, and there was a body inside. Turns out it wasn’t Don’s. So Mary and Marshall set out to solve the case, discovering Don injured hiding out in some kind of storage space in a church during his own funeral. Realizing that this was the only chance either of them would have at being happy—going along with the “Don’s dead!” theory and continuing to fake his death—Mary helps him to escape, leaving his would-be and unknowing widow behind. Funny thing was, this week the subplot was slightly more interesting than the actual case of the week. Things between Brandy and Chico—I mean, Javier—were getting a little racy. Brandy, who so obviously wants to destroy her sister’s relationship with boyfriend Javier, went out of control with desperation, so much so that her own mother (who’s as screwed up as she is) warned her to watch what she was doing. Javier made some completely lame attempts to get Brandy to back off, but when it came down to it, he obviously enjoyed the attention more than he enjoys Mary. When the episode ended, things were a little up in the air with Mary having stormed out of Javier’s apartment after Brandy called his cell phone several times while they were talking and Javier took the call finally…IN ANOTHER ROOM! That’s a deal-breaker, Chico.

Conclusions:
Thank goodness Mary has her chaotic and dangerous job to keep her chi centered and her life balanced, otherwise her sluttastic sister might drive her insane.

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Show: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Episode: “Vanishing Act” (7×17)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 9pm on USA

This episode can only be appreciated to its fullest if we all accept together that the emo/goth/punk-wannabe magician character, Miles Stone (this week’s victim), is intended to be a caricature of Criss Angel. You know, the Mindfreak guy. That being said, when Miles turns up dead on stage during some two-bit magic act—despite being buried underground in a coffin all the way across the city—all of the big names in the magic community are under suspicion. There’s Carmine, the creepy, somewhat perverted, has-been teacher (played by Christopher Lloyd in what, oddly enough, seems to be his most normal role yet), who becomes a suspect because it is his two-bit magic act that gets interrupted with Stone’s dead body. And there’s also Dean Holiday (played by James Frain, better known as Paul Raines from season 4 of 24), the other protégé of Carmine’s who had been overshadowed by Miles Stone’s commercial success. After a back-and-forth investigation, and after watching Goren indulge himself in many magic tricks at Eames’ expense along the way, the investigation reaches a fork in the road. Either Miles Stone’s BFF Jacob did it because he was super jealous that Miles always got all the credit for his tricks (he did go to MIT, you know) or Dean Holiday did it because Miles got the deal with NBC that had been written for him. Well, turns out that Dean did it, yes, but Jacob and his girlfriend Teresa would have surely been tried and convicted for it had Dean been able to overcome his ego and let Jacob take the credit for such a well-thought out and carefully executed plan. Since he couldn’t, Goren and Eames arrested the appropriate bad guy and let all of these magical losers continue on with their meaningless lives.

Conclusions:
Goren and Eames totally got the shaft this week. I just hope none of the magicians made it disappear before they got to pull it out of their bums.

Until next week, dear readers. Don’t forget to be kind and read your weekly TV Rewind!

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