Issue # 8, 27 July – 2 August 2008

Posted by AJ in TV Rewind.

Show: Brooke Knows Best
Episode: “House Party” (1×03)
You Can Watch It: Sundays at 10pm on VH1

The rest of the television world came crashing down this week because of VH1’s Brooke Knows Best . After I watched this spectacle, my whole body—knowing that I would not be able to sustain anymore blows—went into full shutdown mode and I could not watch anything else besides Law & Order reruns. Oh, yeah, it was that bad (I’m sure after this week I will have made a full recovery and will be able to watch everything because of my dearly loved DVR). This week’s episode, in addition to nearly destroying my faith in the entire entertainment industry, proved that there is no doubt that the budget for Brooke Knows Best includes a writing staff. Brooke, Glenn, and new roomie Ashley decided it was time to throw a housewarming party for themselves. I mean, they’re young, beautiful, and have the most expensive penthouse in the tri-county area, so why not? Obviously, the first step is to show a montage of the brilliant trio buying party supplies. After a near fall-out between Brooke and Ashley-and-Glenn about the age-appropriateness of many party favors, the colors of pink and white were chosen at last. The second step was to find a cute stranger on the beach for Brooke to invite to the party to be her unknowing date. The trio landed a seemingly normal-looking kite surfer. The last step was to make sure that there was to be some sort of disaster guaranteed to take place during the party—not before, not after, during. So, Brooke invited her ex-boyfriend and quasi famous rapper $tacks. Naturally, Brooke spent a good ten-minute-long chunk of this episode fretting over what would happen should kite surfer and $tacks meet up. And just as naturally, the camera guys caught the beloved father Hogan admonishing Brooke for her decision to have a co-ed party and to not drain her hot tub in advance of the festivities via a cell phone conversation. In the end, Brooke got overly pissy about $tacks hitting on Ashley, and kite surfer dude made a big show of leaving at the end of the night and then coming back to give Brooke her first kiss (with him. I’m sure she’s kissed plenty of other dudes). The scripted parts: everything. You’d have to have seen it to believe it, but I am pretty sure the conversation where Brooke drunkenly whispers to Ashley that $tacks is “totally flirting” with her was ripped straight out of an episode of Laguna Beach season 2. What, no citations, VH1? Well, you and MTV are owned by the same corporation after all.

Conclusions:
Brooke, remember your music career? I don’t.

Until next week, dear readers. Don’t forget to be kind and read your weekly TV Rewind !

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