Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by Jaki in The Opposite of Advice.

I know there are so people who are reading this blog and wanting another update on Ebony and Daniel.  Well, I started my morning with an interview with CNN.  Someone gave them the story so I’ll be sure to let everyone know when it airs.  If you have a specific question about what happened, you can email esampson84 at comcast dot net.  Now that the goal was reached, I’m letting Ebony handle it from here.  I’m completely grateful and swamped by everything.

I know there are some people who want tips or advice on how to do similar projects for various causes.  Honestly, all I did was post a blog with a paypal link.  The people who read it decided to help.  There wasn’t any really strategy involved besides me crossing my fingers a lot.  I wish I had something more to share.  I highly doubt I’ll do something like this again but I wish you all the luck with your endeavor.  If you do have a charity that needs help, feel free to send it my way and I’ll do what I can to contribute.

I know there are people who want a beautiful, cheery holiday update about how this whole experience has been a lesson.  Well, it has been a lesson but that’s not the one I want to share today.  Let’s talk about another lesson:

There was a girl who wanted to own her own house.  She obsessed with decorating even though she has no taste when it comes to decor.  She thought about all the guests she’d invite over even though she’s never thrown a party in her whole life.  This girl was in love with the idea of a house.  Now she fucking has one.  And spent the whole goddamn morning shoveling water out of the tub with an old kitchen pot into the toliet because there is a hair clog the size of an adult fist that won’t let the shower drain itself.  It was then, while covered in old bath water, that she realized that owning a home isn’t that fucking glamorous.  Most of the time, it’s gross.  The End.

Oh, by the way?  SHAWN DID IT.  FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE AND THEIR FREAKISH LONG HAIR THAT CLOGS THE SINK.  I have short curly hair.  I won’t lie. It looks gross when it’s all wet and clumpy.  But his hair projectile sheds and gets everywhere.  My roommate in college?  She was one of those white people thingies.  SHE HAD FOOT LONG HAIR THAT GOT EVERYWHERE.  I remember showering and it followed me and somehow snuck into my vagina.

So, I’ve decided to shave him.  He doesn’t know it yet but he will when he gets home.  He’ll try to say he didn’t do anything but that’s because he’s The Man.  The Man meaning the Whitey and the Man meaning the penis-haver.  Both of which make him wrong.  Now I get to go upstairs and watch my tub drain.  You think watching paint dry is boring?  At least you don’t see old pubes floating by.

My life.

The Opposite of Advice |