doing it your way: tasteful vs. tacky.

Posted by Sara in Weddings.

Everyone wants their special day to be special– that’s why we go to great lengths with the dress, the music, the flowers and all that. We want it to be a day that we remember, a day that all our friends and family will remember, too.

More and more, the standards on what is considered “acceptable” for wedding day planning have relaxed, allowing couples to express themselves like never before: it’s no longer considered a requirement to get married in a church and slow songs don’t have to be the standard for your first dance. Weddings can be as black tie or as backyard as you’d like them to be– the key is to make them truly about you.

And this is something I agree with, until I hear about some major marriage castatrophe which makes me wonder, “what the HELL were these people thinking??” Opting to not dance to a slow song for you and your mate’s first dance is OK–choosing the “Thong Song” to dance to (if you’re inviting relatives over the age of 40 and not holding the soiree in a strip club) is NOT. Opting for an alternative to the garter/bouquet toss is cool if neither is your thing (we decided to do an Anniversary Dance, which called all married couples onto the floor and the DJ called them off by how many years they were married. The couple married the longest got our bouquet), but standing up and telling people you think that doing these things are dated and tacky, and that’s why you’re not doing them, is not acceptable (think how many people there did these things at THEIR wedding). Wanting to include photos of you and your hubby is totally cool–but not when it’s pictures of the two of you in full make out mode.

The bottom line is it’s OK to be different, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK to be tacky, over-the-top, or just outright inappropriate.

Sometimes it’s hard to know where that line exists, especially if you think that something might be a good idea. The best advice is to find the people who can give you the best advice, and who are OK about being honest with you…

For example, I was trying to figure out the best way figure out the best way to honor the loved ones who passed in my husband’s and my family. We were planning on doing a memorial collage to place near the guestbook, but I wanted to do something during the ceremony. I had selected two readings to do in memoriam– one for the people in his family, and one in mine. I thought this would be a really good idea, and then I ran it by a few friends.

Although they agreed it would be touching, they expressed some concern that it might be too much, especially for our loved ones. At first I was disappointed that they didn’t seem too enthusiastic, but then I thought about it. Would it really be a good idea to have 2 emotional readings in the middle of our marriage ceremony? How would it make our families feel? Although we wanted to make sure we acknowledged these people, we didn’t want to completely ruin the happy mood of the wedding. After brainstorming, we decided it was be more appropriate if we chose one of the readings to print in the ceremony program.

I’ll agree with the best of them when I think that the day should be about the couple and what means most to them, but I also think it’s important to not get so overinvolved in the planning that you lose sight of what makes sense. And trust me, it’s easy to do. When you become focused on one day for months and months, all of the small details become much bigger than they really are and they can begin to be overwhelming. But that doesn’t mean they have to get the best of you.

Especially in a day and age when so much information is available at your fingertips, go ahead and consult The Google. Scan some wedding sites. Check out some of those message boards where you can get the opinion of some real-life people. I’m not the biggest fan of The Knot, but they were great to consult in a pinch. And I have friends who’ve made wonderful connections chatting with others about their wedding day woes on those message boards. Above all, trust your gut. If you have a great idea, but something makes you question whether or not it’d be a good addition to your wedding: just don’t do it.

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